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Sunday, January 29, 2012

"It's not you....IT'S ME"

I have a feeling this post may not go over well with some people but oh well it was placed on my heart to write it so..........

 "It's not you it's me!" That statement has been uttered by so many, myself included. Lets be honest here that phrase is yet another excuse to get out of a situation that you should have known better than to get in in the first place! 

So many women always yapping about how we want a good man, but how many good men have you actually let slip through your fingers? Have you ever considered what you may be putting out is what you are receiving? A close friend of mine and I were talking about a guy she had been "kicking" it with for over a year. She was frustrated because she really wanted to be in a committed relationship with guy but he kept giving her the "I'm just not ready for that" excuse over and over again. He finally broke it off with her and of course used the same old excuse, "It's not you It's me."

 My advice to her directly hit home with  me. "Why would any guy want to commit to you if he has been getting everything he wanted from you without the commitment?" It was as if I wanted to slap myself in the face right after I said it. Just as I was thinking she is dumb for continuing to deal with this guy while I was doing the exact same thing. The difference is I was too foolish to realize it. How is it I was expecting to find what I have been praying for if I wasn't living my life in the manner to receive it. I giving my all to someone who wasn't willing to reciprocate their all back. Too many times we as women go into situations trying to show our partners our affection by giving so much of ourselves without demanding anything in return. But how can a man respect you if you are not respecting the gifts that God has given. No one wants anything that is just handed to them in this world....well no one worth being with that is. I find myself on the giving end in relationships too often. I am giving my love,my time, my money,my heart, my body.....all these things I am constantly giving to those who in actuality do not deserve it. The biggest thing I had to understand was by giving myself so easily I was only hurting myself in the end.

Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD." I had to ask myself.."Do I possess those qualities to make me a godly woman/wife? And am I living my life by those qualities?" By looking deep into my heart and soul I could honestly say yes to my first question, but sadly I had to say no to my second question. It is one thing to posses certain qualities needed to be that Godly woman, but what man will actually make you his godly wife if your life does not directly reflect those qualities that you possess? I had to break down and learn what it meant to be a Godly woman.....

A Godly woman is just that GODLY! Godliness begins with a proper relationship with God. A godly wife is, first and foremost, a woman who fears God.  Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." As often as I would speak about God and how he is the head of my life I wasn't actually living my life by those words. 

A Godly woman is wise. "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1)." For so long I was being that foolish woman by living my life by MY rules, and not by the word of God. Dating men and giving myself to them sexually when in my heart I knew that the relationships were not going to last simply because they were founded and based upon a spirit of lust. 

A Godly woman is gracious. One reason honor is given the godly woman is that she is known for her graciousness.  "The ungodly woman is spoken of in very unbecoming terms. She is vexing, due to her contentious nature.....It is better to live in a desert land, Than with a contentious and vexing woman (Proverbs 21:19)." I was steadily attracting ungodly men because I was putting out ungodly behavior. 

A Godly woman is faithful to herself and to her walk with God. A godly woman is one who maintains sexual purity. She is a woman who is virtuous or excellent. By examining my life I understand that the qualities and traits that I possess were not the traits and qualities that I was showing the world. Nor were they the qualities that I had been looking for in a man. It turns out that the men I was pursuing,attracting and giving my time to were simply a reflection of myself. None of them portrayed the Godly man image behind closed doors as they so eloquently did in the public eye. And neither did I.  

For someone to be able to quote the bible front to back....constantly giving God his praise and asking him to bless me with someone I could share my life with I was continually spitting in God's face by living the life that I was living. No wonder things turned out the way they did. Because at the end of the day it wasn't them....IT WAS ME who needed to change. 


  1. Wow! That was DEEP! I can definitely say I felt as if these very words were coming from myself except for the difference is your a woman and I a man..this made me think about some stuff that I know I need to do differently..

  2. *starts running around the office shouting* Eb, they keep getting better and better!!! This one spoke to me. Great job!! You're on your way girl!!